


run me like a river

by ThatWaxLion



Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Dani Powell Has Issues, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Malcolm Bright & Dani Powell Friendship, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Content, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:35:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26855320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWaxLion/pseuds/ThatWaxLion
Summary: She felt his eyes on her back, burning her skin that was already branded by him, igniting fire from even the smallest of his touches. Yet she remained still and practically frozen, unwilling and unable to move forward or backward or anywhere.--------Dani learns some unsettling news from her doctor and she turns to Bright for comfort. Things get...messy.
Relationships: Malcolm Bright & Dani Powell, Malcolm Bright/Dani Powell
Comments: 16
Kudos: 86





	run me like a river

He opened his eyes, his sight slowly adjusting to the soft greyish lights of dawn seeping through the bedroom window. He blinked as his gaze fluttered to her shoulders, barely inches away from his lips. His eyes wandered studiously over every inch of her bare back, down to the delicate curves of her hips, partially covered with his thin bedsheet. A sight that up until mere hours ago, was hidden from him. And just mere hours ago, his lips, his tongue, his fingertips were tracing a detailed map of her body, only to get completely lost in it again and again.

As he was gradually regaining all his senses, he felt that now-familiar magnetic pull towards her. He wanted to reach out and touch her skin; soft, warm, glowing even in the ashy daylight. But he knew, or rather, he sensed that this privilege has ran its course; as his eyes continued taking in the sight of her, next to him, he felt her invisible walls slowly building up, brick by brick, claiming their shared space and driving them apart.

Bright closed his eyes, hoping that without seeing her lying so close next to him, yet so far out of his reach, the heavily growing feeling of loneliness would somehow magically disappear and if he opened his eyes again, he would find her turned towards him, her chocolate eyes finding his, her lips, which he kissed senseless only a couple of hours ago, would curve up into one of her enigmatic smiles. But she remained still, sleeping, her back turned to him.

Her eyes found a small crack on the loft wall, right next to his enormous semicircle window and she kept staring at it for the better part of an hour now. She didn’t dare to move, partly because then she would have to face the consequences of the previous night, face _him_ , and partly, because she felt that if she moved the slightest bit, she would lose the warmth that his body was radiating, even without touching her. She felt his eyes on her back, burning her skin that was already branded by him, igniting fire from even the smallest of his touches. Yet she remained still and practically frozen, unwilling and unable to move forward or backward or anywhere.

Dani closed her eyes, allowing one last moment in the comfortable warmth of his close proximity, before she would have to untangle herself from his bedsheets and from the mess that she had made.

xxxxxxxxxxx

_16 hours earlier_

She glanced out of the window of the office and let out an irritated sigh. Judging by the massive black clouds gathering outside, she had ten, fifteen minutes tops before the sky would fall down. And she only found a spot at the far end of the hospital parking lot, of course. Her eyes wandered impatiently around the room. She never really liked this office, with its crisp white walls, and posters of these women, looking down and gently caressing their round bellies with angelic, beaming smiles; the pictures of cute little fat babies in ridiculous surroundings – seriously, who came up with the idea of putting a newborn next to a husky? Or dress it up as a cauliflower? What the hell was wrong with people?

At least she liked her OB-GYN. Dr. Lisa Tormé was a no-nonsense, strong woman, born and raised in the Bronx, just like her. Dr. Tormé knew all about her job, her lifestyle, her medical history and she was never judging her, never giving her a lecture. Okay, _sometimes_ giving her a lecture, about needing to take a break, about cutting back on the stress factors. But Dani sensed she knew that she was ‘a lost cause’ regarding that area.

 _What the hell was taking so long?_ Dani shifted uncomfortably in her seat, waiting for Dr. Tormé to come back. It was supposed to be an annual routine checkup, and as such, she expected to be in and out in no time. She needed to get back to the precinct in 25. She was just about to get up and slip out, letting Dr. Tormé’s assistant know that she’d call for the results later in the evening, when she heard the door open.

“Sorry Dani”, the older woman excused herself, sliding back into her office chair behind her table, facing Dani. Dani shrugged, smiling back politely, eyeing the folder Dr. Tormé put down in front of her.

“It’s okay. I still have twenty minutes to get back to work.”

Dr. Tormé nodded, her expression now serious.

“I will cut to the chase then,” she cleared her throat. Dani shifted in her seat again, not knowing what to expect.

“Dani, we found something in your lab results. Based on these initial tests and the HSG, it seems like you have what is called blocked fallopian tubes.”

Her uncharacteristically gentle voice made Dani sit still.

“I…I don’t know what that is. Or what this means,” she shook her head, her voice slightly nervous.

Dr. Tormé nodded, “Of course. I’ll talk in plain English. Basically, the fallopian tube is where the sperm and egg meet for fertilization. A blocked tube can prevent them from joining. If only one of the tubes is partially blocked, it most likely doesn’t affect fertility, because an egg can still travel through the unaffected tube. Even if both are partially blocked, you can still potentially get pregnant, but the risk of ectopic pregnancy increases. However,” Dr. Tormé voice grew more serene, her sympathetic eyes looking softly at Dani, “if both tubes are fully blocked, any future pregnancy will be next to impossible without treatment.”

“Let me guess,” Dani interjected dryly, her own voice sounding foreign to her ears, “I have two fully blocked tubes.”

Dr. Tormé nodded, her hands now resting on the folder in front of her. “Unfortunately, yes. Based on the HSG, your fallopian tubes are blocked by quite large amounts of scar tissues and I’m afraid that without surgery to repair the tubes, pregnancy might not be possible. And even then…your chances to become pregnant are extremely slim.”

Dani blinked at her, dumbfounded.

_It was supposed to be a routine checkup._

Dr. Tormé cleared her throat again. “Of course, surgery is always an option and I’m not saying that you have zero chance of getting pregnant in the future, if you choose to start a family - -“

“Wait-“ Dani swiftly ran her fingers through her hair, her hand slightly shaking, “- what caused the…blockage?”

The older woman shook her head slightly, “We cannot say for certain. Blocked tubes can be caused by past abdominal surgeries, pelvic inflammatory diseases, fibroids or certain sexually transmitted diseases. Now, I’ve known you and your medical history for over a decade now and as such we can rule out a couple of things. My guess would be either the emergency abdominal surgery caused it that you had two years ago due to the gunshot wound, or-” she paused for a moment, her voice now cautiously gentle, “a sexually transmitted disease, most likely gonorrhea. A great number of female patients remain asymptomatic and thus undiagnosed and untreated. But it can cause tissue scars, such as in the case of blocked fallopian tubes.”

Dani felt the hotness creeping up on her cheeks and glanced down at her hands, slightly trembling as she fiddled with her rings. She knew that of all people, Dr. Tormé would be the last to judge her though; she told her about her undercover work she did for Narcotics and she also knew what condition Dani was in once she was pulled out. Dani could barely recount all her sexual partners from that period, being heavily under the influence most of the time, let alone remember whether she’d used any protection during those encounters. She just thought that she got away…lucky. Without so much as a scratch.

She rubbed her face, taking a moment to shield her features from Dr. Tormé. The doctor spoke up again, her voice patient and understanding.

“Listen Dani, this is not the end of the world. As I said, nothing is impossible. But you will soon need to start making certain decisions and choices. The longer you wait with the procedure, the more unlikely it will be for you to become pregnant down the line. And I know that your work has always been your priority, and I respect that, but-“ she hesitated for a second, waiting for Dani to look at her, “- if you want a family any time in the future, you might need to start planning for it sooner, rather than later.”

Dani slowly nodded, barely being able to suppress a bitter laugh. _Family. Right._ As if she were anywhere _near_ the realm of that possibility. She glanced outside, the sky growing darker by the minute. She needed to get to her car before the rain would hit her. She cleared her throat.

“Thank you, Lisa. I will keep in touch. If you don’t mind, I gotta run now.” She stood up and grabbed her bag, swinging it over her shoulders a little too swiftly.

Dr. Tormé nodded and stood up. “Call me if you have any questions, or…decided on anything. Good luck, Dani.” she smiled warmly at her, and Dani did her best to reciprocate the smile before she turned on her heels and left, but she knew it was nowhere near that angelic smile of those beaming women who were looking down on her from the walls.

She never really liked this office.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As soon as she got behind the wheel, she heard the first raindrops hitting the roof of her car and seconds later, the thick curtain of rain made it next to impossible to see anything from behind the windshield. Dani sighed; she knew she had to sit this out. She listened to the roaring thunders, the pounding of the raindrops and the occasional cracks of lighting. But she didn’t mind, the weather being the perfect extension of her mood for once. She fished out her phone and checked for notifications. There weren’t any, so she threw it on the passenger’s seat and leaned back.

First of all: she was fine. She had no life-threatening condition. She was okay. She could continue doing her job and that was the most important piece of information that she decided to focus on. It’s not like she wanted to have a child, anyway. Her work consumed her, and she was okay with that. It was her choice. She was still young and healthy. -ish. Her body never failed her before. She could run faster than anyone, she bounced back from any injury and surgery, she could pull all-nighters without so much as headache the morning after. Even during her time undercover, when she did everything to it to exhaust its resources, her body always remained her loyal ally. Except now, it seemed like it was flipping her the middle finger after all. She nearly snickered as the pregnancy scares from her past flashed in her mind. Back in her early twenties, when she was still young and dumb enough to assume that guys would take care of protection, only to find out they really didn’t. Or even later, when she was working with Desir’s crew and had to…fit in to blend in. Even then, she somehow came out unscathed and un-pregnant.

The idea of having a baby, starting a family, finding someone she would want to share a new life with and turn her beloved and familiar world upside down was so far out of reach that she had barely the time and energy to muse about it. She was dedicated to her job and decided that she did not want children.

Except, she did not _not_ want children, either.

Oh, how absolutely naïve it was of her to think that once she would make the decision to start a family, she’d just snap her fingers and voila! The white picket fence and the dedicated husband and the laughing toddler would just arrive at her doorstep.

She took a deep breath as she felt her throat closing up. Because even though she’s had other ambitions now in the foreground, the news she had learned today made her realize that she might not be in charge of all her life decisions after all. In fact, she started to feel the walls closing in on her and a ridiculous, irrational and utterly unwelcome sense of loss started to cloud her brain.

Dani shook her head lightly, forcing the thoughts away. She needed to regain her composure and gather her thoughts, wanting to avoid showcasing any telltale signs at work.

She was going to be okay. Hell, she _was_ okay. Dr. Tormé mentioned the surgery. But even then, her chances were slim, if she’d ever wanted to become pregnant. And sure, women get pregnant way over thirty and even forty all the time, but still…time was not on her side. Time…She glanced at her phone. She was running late. Thankfully, the force of the rain had eased considerably, now tamed to a steady pouring. She started the engine and rolled out of the parking lot.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Dani dumped the last folder on top of the pile, now practically towering on her desk. She grabbed her mug and gulped down the remainings of her coffee, the fifth or sixth and by far the coldest. As she put down the empty NYPD mug, she glanced at her watch. 12:25 am. She sighed and rolled her shoulders back, her bones cracking from the motion. She was finished with all her paperwork and now there was officially nothing left to do, and nothing left to occupy her brain with.

She shut her eyes for a moment, her mind drifting over today’s events. Dr. Tormé’s office. The calm before the storm. The storm. The briefing she was late to. The questioning looks from Gil, the raised eyebrows of JT. Dani handled those with a perfect mask on, not letting anything slip through. Except for those piercing blue eyes. She felt Bright’s quizzical looks on her all day. She knew she could fool Gil and JT any time of the day, but not Bright. Keeping up a straight face in front of him, dodging his questions about her wellbeing proved to be more exhaustive than any recent case. Partly because she felt those particular walls closing in on her, making it almost difficult to breathe and it made her anxious and it made increasingly hard to not let it show. And partly, because she _wanted_ to let it show and to just drop the act in front of him. But she couldn’t, so she kept avoiding him and flashed a couple of reassuring smiles throughout the day to keep him at bay. It must have worked after all, because after 10 pm, she was finally left alone to finish up all the piled-up paperwork and she was grateful for the mind-numbing task.

But now, she was left alone with her thoughts. She needed something, anything, to keep her distracted, to make her forget. At least, for the time being. She glanced at her phone and hesitatingly scrolled through her old contacts. She still had some… useful numbers back from her time undercover. Maybe a little distraction wouldn’t hurt. Just a little something to take the edge off. Nothing that would pull her back. And she still knew a guy who had reliable stuff.

Her fingers trembled slightly as she found the name she was looking for.

She bit down on her lower lip, closing her eyes.

When she opened them up again, she sighed and touched the side of her screen and watched it fade to black. She was so close to being so dumb again.

Her eyes glided absentmindedly over her desk and her glance settled on the yellow lollipop in the pencil box. She stared it for a long time, before finally shutting her laptop and switching off her desk lamp.

xxxxxxxxxxx

The shrill sound of his buzzer nearly made him jump out of his skin. He tossed aside the cold case folder he was immersed in– his only and therefore favorite past time activity nowadays – to get off the couch and get to the door. He glanced at his watch and furrowed his brows. 1:14. He rarely expected company, let alone at this time of the day. Or night. He pushed the button and her familiar voice filled the intercom.

“Hey, it’s me. Can I, uh…come up?”

“Sure,” he buzzed her in, his mind filing through today’s events that might help him decipher the reason for her late-night visit. It wasn’t their case, because if there were any developments, he’d received a message by now, not a delivery of it in person. Throughout the day, he sensed that she was…off somehow. Nothing apparent though, nothing that he could put his finger on. She was quiet, perhaps more so than usual. He sensed that she clearly tried to be in control of her tone, her facial expressions. But he could pick up on the underlying tension. The slight quiver of her lips, when he asked repeatedly if everything was okay. The sideways glances. The fidgeting of her fingers. Her hands, running through her thick curly mane, more often than usual. Her too-straight posture. But he had no idea of the why.

He opened the door and she was standing there, hands stuck inside the pockets of her jacket, eyes darted to her boots. Dani glanced up and smiled a half smile nervously.

“Hey,” he greeted her softly, surprise coloring his tone.

“Hey. Um, sorry. Is this a bad time?” she bit down on her lower lip, looking anywhere but him.

“The best time. I needed a break from the Borowitz file anyway,” Bright gestured her in. She hesitatingly stepped inside, while he shut the door behind her.

“Water?”

Dani nodded, then shot him a curious glance. “Wait, did you say Borowitz? The 90’s acid killer case?”

He shrugged, striding to the kitchen counter to grab two glasses.

“Yeah, I think I found a connection between one of the suspects and the third vic that wasn’t enclosed in the files previously and I’m just trying to map out some profiles t-“

“I can’t get pregnant,” she blurted out, the words spilling out of her mouth before she knew it.

Bright promptly turned off the running water and whirled around to face her. She was still standing only a couple of steps away from the door, her eyes peeled to the ground, her hair falling forward, covering her features. She then slowly looked up and glanced at him, her expression uncharacteristically forlorn.

He only took a couple of careful steps in her direction, not wanting to invade her private space. He handed her the glass.

“What happened today?” he eyed her softly, searching her expression.

Dani gulped from the water and shook her head. “It’s nothing. I mean…not nothing, but…yeah. I had my routine OB-GYN checkup today. Turns out-“ she sighed, her gaze dropping yet again, ”- I’m not functioning the way I should. There’s a surgery option, but even if that works out, apparently my chances of ever getting pregnant are…next to none.” She fell silent, running her fingers nervously on the side of the glass before taking another sip.

He remained still, waiting for her to continue.

“It’s really no big deal. I mean, it’s not like I _planned_ to get pregnant anytime soon, obviously. But…I don’t know. I guess not having the option at all is just…something I never really thought about before. And I know it’s stupid, but I feel like…I’m missing out on something and I feel like I’m somehow...less of a woman all of a sudden, and I know how un-feminist it sounds and I hate myself for even thinking this but I…I don’t know.” Dani realized she was rambling and shut up, finally risking a glance at him. She found sympathy and softness in Bright’s eyes and somehow this made her chest tighten. Suddenly, she realized how awkward the whole scene was, how awkward _she_ was; what was she thinking? Turning up in the middle of the night at Bright’s doorstep to discuss her reproductive challenges? Why was she even here?

She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I should’ve called first. I’ll leave you to your case…”

Bright waived his hand dismissively and stepped closer to her. “Nonsense. I’m glad you’re here. I mean, not that I’m happy about why you’re here, but”- she smiled, as it was his turn to ramble- “I’m happy that you talk to me.”

She slowly nodded, chewing on the inside of her cheek. For a moment, they remained silent.

Bright felt slightly at loss, not knowing how to help her. This was a very sensitive issue and so very personal and they never touched upon the subject before. He had no idea how to give the right answers or ask the right questions, and he was afraid to say something that would unintentionally upset her. Truth was, he never thought about Dani ever leaving the precinct to start a new life with a husband and kids. And the reason for this was perhaps more uncomfortable for him than he cared to admit – simply put, he knew that any other life Dani might want besides the one they shared now through work would exclude him and he simply didn’t want to think about it. But she was his friend and he was determined to be there for her, no matter what.

“I’m sorry Dani,” he quietly said, looking at her. She nodded and tucked a stray curl behind her ear.

“It’s okay. I mean, I’m fine,” she flashed a reassuring half-smile, but her voice grew smaller, “I…I should go. I really should’ve called first. Thanks for the…water.” She handed Bright the empty glass. He put it down on the kitchen island, watching her defeated posture as she turned away, towards the door. He hesitated for a second, then gently grabbed her wrist, making her stop and turn around.

“Come here,” he whispered and pulled her into his embrace, not too tight, fearing it might not be the right move after all. But they were in an uncharted territory of their friendship and he could only rely on his instincts. He felt her body, tense at first, gradually relaxing in his arms. He moved his arm from her back to stroke her hair lightly.

“I’m not an expert on female reproductive organs, but“ -he heard her muffled chuckle and was secretly relieved- “ you mentioned a surgery. So there’s always a chance. Which means, you have a choice. And that choice is still in your hands. And even if, for some reason,“ he continued quietly, “the odds are against this, there are a lot of other ways, to…start a family, if you ever wanted to, you know that.” He felt her nodding against his chest. “And if you choose not to, it’s fine too. You could never be any less of a woman because of that Dani, believe me. You’re nothing but… desirable,” he added, before he could censor his own words. Bright sensed her stiffen up, and he was half-expecting her to entangle herself and bolt out the door and he was mentally kicking himself for not being able to shut up at the right moment. But she remained in his embrace, and he could feel her warm breaths through the fabric of his shirt.

She breathed in his scent, something that had always had a calming effect on her; only now, it did the exact opposite. Instead of soothing her, it started to slowly boil up the blood in her veins and cloud her brain. She became acutely aware of his arms encompassing her, his fingers stroking her hair, his breath on her temple. 

“Show me.”

His fingers stopped still on her curls as he heard her voice, muffled and hoarse.

“What?” his question was barely audible.

She lifted her face and their eyes met. Bright saw the dilated pupils of her chocolate brown eyes, now nearly black. His throat went dry.

“Show me I’m desirable,” she said in a low tone, something Bright never heard before and thankfully so, because it sparked some things inside him that did not belong to a workplace or crime scene. Her face, her beautiful, captivating face was now inches away from his; she leaned in, her lips almost reaching his. He slightly pulled back to be able to look into her eyes and gathered every ounce of willpower he had left.

“Believe me Dani, I want this, but…you’re not in the right headspace right now and I don’t want to do something that we…you…might regret later.”

A bitter chuckle escaped her throat. “But that’s the thing, Bright. We don’t _have_ a right headspace.” 

He couldn’t argue with that.

Her smile faded as she locked eyes with him again.

“I need this. I need…you.” she whispered, her gaze dropping to his lips.

Bright felt his knees buckle and while somewhere in the back of his mind, he sensed that they had now probably reached a point of no return in their friendship, he also realized that this may be the only thing he can do for her.

He slowly untangled his hand from her curls and slid it under her hair, caressing her nape. He pulled her closer, and finally, his lips captured hers, gently and softly at first, still unsure whether or not Dani would flee from his arms. But instead, she leaned into him, her arms encircling his neck, her fingers playing with the fine hair on his nape. She deepened the kiss, her tongue finding his and Bright’s eyes fluttered shut. She dropped her hands and slid them under his shirt, her fingers tracing his lean back muscles, moving to his abdomen. Bright slid her jacket off her shoulders and let it fall on the floor. He broke the kiss to lock eyes with her as he slowly, one by one, unbuttoned her silky cream blouse. The one (out of many) he adored on her. His eyes never left hers as he finished the last button.

“Tell me to stop and I’ll stop,” he breathed. _Please don’t._

“Don’t,” she whispered, moving her lips to his ear. Her hot breath made him shudder and he captured her lips again. He glided his hands under the blouse and felt her warm skin under his fingertips and he slowly slid the blouse down her arms, letting it fall next to her jacket. Only then, he broke the kiss and dropped his gaze, taking in the mesmerizing sight of her, her dark curls on her olive skin; her delicate ivory bra, accentuating the swell of her breasts; her toned abdomen and the voluptuous curves of her waist, her hips. He unconsciously licked his lips and Dani followed his gaze. She never felt more powerful and completely at his mercy at the same time.

She leaned forward to roll up his shirt and pulled it over his head. Her eyes wandered hungrily over his bare chest, her fingers reaching out and tracing his collarbone, down to his chest, all the way down to his abdomen. She had caught glimpses of his body here and there, when putting on wires, or checking for an injury, but she never actually had the chance to feast her eyes on his toned body and _touch_ him. She felt his goosebumps and a smile curved up her lips. He grabbed her hands and lifted them up, putting them around his neck, while his arms swept over her bare shoulders, arms, stroking his way down to her sides, his thumb drawing semicircles under her bra, continuing his way down to her abdomen, his hands coming to rest on the rim of her jeans. He closed the gap between them and kissed her deeply, his hands running over her bare back. Her hands flew to the front of his jeans, fumbling with the button. A moan escaped his lips, while his fingers found the clasp of her bra and with one expert motion, he popped it open, sweeping the fabric off of her and as he felt the soft flesh of her breasts flush against his skin, his neurons caught on fire. He lowered himself in front of her, slowly unbuttoning her jeans and peeling it down on her legs. As she stepped out of them, his hands traveled over her thighs, and he leaned forward, desperately wanting to taste her skin. He trailed soft kisses up along her thighs, her abdomen, deliberately skipping over the last remaining piece of fabric she had on. Dani’s hitched breath and flushed skin only added to his arousal as his tongue found the delicate spot of her navel. Her hands flew to his hair.

“Bright…please,” he sensed the urgency in her hoarse, husky voice. He glanced up at her and saw her deep brown eyes and he understood. As he rose up, he firmly grabbed her by her thighs, lifted her up and carried her to his bed. He hooked his fingers on the sides of her panties and slid it down her legs, dropping it to the floor. And now here she was, Dani Powell, completely naked and utterly beautiful, lying on his bed, eyeing him, and it was the most erotic thing he could ever think of. His eyes roamed hungrily over every inch of her body and he quickly shed his jeans and boxers. He caught her glance, sweeping over his now fully naked body and the pure lust he saw in them made him shiver.

As she felt his weight lowering on top of her, his lips finding hers again and kissing her like no one ever could, like only _he_ could, her eyes fluttered shut, giving in completely, and for once, wholly giving up control to her body and senses.

He buried himself inside of her until they were completely and indistinguishably one and yet he still craved more and more of her, like nothing would ever be enough of her.

The first time was all about hunger, desire, pure lust and release; bodies entangled, fingers pressed into flesh, hands urgently roaming over every inch of skin, always craving more and more. And when his eyes bore into hers, piercingly hot and icy blue and ravenous, it struck her like lightning, that this was _Bright_ , on top of her, inside her, encompassing her and the realization, like an ultimate aphrodisiac, sent her over the edge. As she gasped his name against his mouth, he couldn’t take any longer either and shuddered in ecstasy, collapsing next to her.

For a while, the only sound that filled the space was their ragged, panting breaths, gradually calming as they slowly came down from the high. 

Bright propped up on his elbow, his eyes searching hers in the dimmed lights.

“Are you cold?”

“Not at all,” she murmured, her lips curving up.

“Good,” he smiled sheepishly, his fingers brushing away a stray curl from her flushed face. From her beautiful, radiant, post-coital glowing flushed face. God, he was entranced with her face. His fingers moved from her hair to the side of her face, his fingertip lightly tracing her cheek, her full lips, her jawline, drawing an invisible line down her neck, brushing over her collarbone, moving on to her shoulders. Then, he reversed the route and as his fingertip reached her collarbone again, he changed its direction and slowly trailed downward, reaching the swell of her breast, where he deliberately stopped. He felt her goosebumps and the rapid rise and fall of her chest under his touch and glanced at her. She swallowed hard, her eyes following his moves and she unconsciously wetted her lips. Bright’s fingertip continued its path, delicately and oh so torturously tracing her breast with light strokes. But that proved to be enough for Dani to get lightheaded and dizzy again, barely minutes after she came down from their first high. She reached out to touch him, but Bright stopped her hand and lifted it above her head.

She looked at him, questioningly.

“You wanted me to show you how desirable you are,” he murmured in a husky voice, as his finger traveled lower and lower. “So let me.” He finally leaned over her, kissing her slowly, seductively.

Their first act was about tension, bottled up desires and needs finally erupting in their raw physical form, to satisfy a craving and to make her forget. But this time, Bright wanted her to remember.

And as Dani felt his fingers, his lips, his tongue slowly discovering and re-discovering every inch of her body, carefully filing away her reactions, she realized that it was the same dedication, the same intensity and focus he gave to their cases; always alert, always paying attention to every detail, making the case the center of his world. This time, _she_ was the center of his world and the thought alone was so arousing that it made her drunk with desire. He was mapping out a detailed profile of her with his lingering touches, seductive kisses, eliciting whimpers and moans and cries from her she never thought she was capable of uttering; but it was again his eyes as he watched her, watching him, that shook her and sent her to overdrive, completely burning her up, leaving her spent, breathless and utterly satisfied, yet she was craving more and more, always more of this, of him. She pulled him up into a deep kiss and flipped them over, pushing him firmly down as she leaned above him, her eyes locking with his for a moment. Her delicate fingers began their own investigative journey on his body and with every touch, every kiss, every swirl of her tongue she felt his instant reaction, his desire, which only fueled her own. And it dawned on her that this was a more powerful drug than anything she’d ever taken before, he was all-consuming, and she had no idea how she would, or could ever sober up.

They lay there, bodies entangled, wholly spent and fulfilled, unable to move. Her head was resting on his chest and she listened to his breathing, now calmer and steady, her hand draped across his torso, his skin still hot, his scent still intoxicating. Dani closed her eyes. She thought about why she showed up at his apartment in the first place. Was _this_ something she had anticipated, or hoped for even, when she decided to pass on her primary choice of distraction, her old habit? Only to fall for another drug? She felt as if she was tiptoeing on the edge of a cliff, unable to control her balance, herself. A chill ran down her spine and she reached for cover.

Bright, catching up on her movement, grabbed the bedsheet and spread it across their bodies. She lifted her head and slightly shifted away from him, but still unable to remove her arms from his torso. She closed her eyes again as she felt the chill creeping up in her body, her veins, her chest.

 _This was a mistake_.

She let her guard down, her carefully constructed walls that had shielded her from any and all emotional risks, being the only thing that seemed to work after her father’s death. And now, she opened up, ran out of this safe fortress, straight into his arms and she got completely lost, exposing herself in every way possible. She needed to get back to safety. Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe they can file this away as one-night slip in their friendship. This happens with coworkers probably all the time. Who knows, maybe he had already had some similar experiences back at the FBI; maybe this wouldn’t be a big deal. And most probably, the stakes for him aren’t that high as they were for her. And she could deal with her own emotional distress anytime. But she sure as hell couldn’t handle hurting him.

She felt his light touch on her arms and she nearly trembled, forcing herself to open her eyes, only to look straight into his.

Only to realize that, in fact, she has never made a bigger mistake in her entire life.

Because what he saw in his eyes, in his soft features made her heart painfully clench and filled her with dread. His eyes, as he locked his gaze with her, radiated warmth, tenderness, devotion and something else that Dani wasn’t ready to even define.

Who was she kidding. The stakes for him were just as high. And now, because of her lapse in judgement, they’d both lose.

“You okay?” he whispered, his thumb lightly drawing circles on her shoulders, his eyes studying her face.

“Yeah,” she managed to smile at him.

It was just a slightest quiver of her lips, a ghost of a shadow sweeping through her face and just as quickly disappearing, a flicker of her eyes, barely detectable, but he caught it. His finger stopped still, but his gaze never left hers, searching, wanting to understand, even though he already did. His hand trembled ever so slightly.

“We should get some sleep,” she whispered, dropping her gaze, her voice uncertain, her smile fading.

He nodded, shifting away just the slightest bit, granting her some space. She turned away and as she heard the soft click of his restraints, she forced to close her eyes again.

xxxxxxxxxxx

_present time_

Dani felt the mattress shifting and immediately sensed the loss of his body warmth. She heard his light barefoot steps as he made his way to the bathroom, closing the door with a quiet click. When she heard the sounds of the running shower, she untangled herself from the sheets and got up, roaming his apartment for her shed clothes. As she picked them up, one by one, images from the previous night flashed in her mind.

_The soft thud of her jacket landing on the floor. The warmth of his finger as she first felt his touch on her abdomen after shedding her blouse. His hot breath on her breast. His tongue on her pulse. His eyes, as he glanced up at her from between her thighs._

She shivered, willing the images away. She got dressed quickly and just as she was finishing buttoning up her blouse, he emerged from the bathroom, clad in loose fitting jeans and a grey shirt, his hair damp, his body still so very inviting. His eyes swept over her, now fully clothed and for a brief moment, he stood still, but then cleared his throat.

“Coffee?”

She hesitatingly nodded, although she desperately wanted, no, _needed_ to get away as soon as possible. She watched in silence as he prepared the French press, relieved that at least his stereo filled the awkward silence with some background noise.

He handed her a steaming mug, lowering his lips to his own, his glance settled on her face. She tucked a curl behind her ear and cleared her throat.

“I’m…sorry. For last night.” She tapped her finger on her mug, her eyes avoiding his, but still feeling his glance on her.

“Why?” he asked, his tone quiet.

“It…it was a mistake. You were right. We…I wasn’t in the right headspace and I shouldn’t have asked something like that from you,” she stuttered on her words.

He put down his mug, walked around the counter and leaned back on it, now facing her with his arms crossed over his chest.

“That’s not what I asked,” he said softly, his tone still quiet, his gaze studying her features. She shot him a puzzled look.

“Why are you sorry it happened? You regret it, that much is clear to me, but I want to know why.”

Her eyes snapped up to his and she furrowed her brows in confusion.

“Because we’re friends and I took advantage of you…of our friendship. I… had a bad day and I-“ her voice trembled, her mind not being able to find the right words, “- I shouldn’t have come in the first place.”

“That’s still not an answer to my question.”

Dani sighed, running her fingers through her hair, frustration slowly mounting in her.

“I just told you that I’m- -“ she couldn’t finish as Bright pushed himself off from the counter and leaned close to her.

“Did I, at any point during last night, act like I was being used? Like I was an _unwilling_ participant?” he dropped his voice, his face now close to hers, his eyes boring into hers. She felt her face flame up, partly because of his words and its implications, and partly because of his close proximity that still elicited a response from her body, even though she so desperately tried it not to.

“I don’t buy that you’re sorry for what happened,” he continued in a sotto voice, nearly whispering into her ear as he gradually leaned closer to her, “the scratches on my back tell me otherwise. The way you cried my name tells me otherwise. The way you kissed me…tells me otherwise.”

She shuddered and he saw the goosebumps on the delicate skin of her neck, making it apparent that he still very much affected her. He swallowed hard, her alluring scent still very much affecting him. He straightened up, granting her some space.

“Why did you come to me in the first place?”

She was asking herself the same question only a couple of hours ago. And just like then, she didn’t know the answer to it now. She shook her head.

“I don’t know,” she replied in a small voice. Bright slowly nodded.

“You said you needed this. But you also said that you needed…me.” His last word lingered in the air. Dani was at loss.

“I don’t have a problem with you needing me. But I think _you_ do.”

Her head snapped up at his final remark, his words triggering something inside her.

“ _Stop_ profiling me,” she said sharply, narrowing her eyes at him.

“I’m sorry. But I think I’m right.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Dani hissed, briefly releasing some of the tension inside her, but immediately regretting her words.

“I rarely do.” His reply was quiet, his tone lacking any malice. She sighed, running her fingers through her curls again.

“I’m-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean t- -“

“I’m here for you Dani. Whether it’s…this-“ Bright pointed to his bed, still unmade, still a proof of their previous night, “-or anything else. I’m your friend. I’m your… whatever you want me to be. But you have to _let_ me.” She felt her throat closing up, as she continued listening to him, unable to meet his eyes.

“I know you have issues with trust. I do, too,” he continued softly, and she could still feel her eyes on her profile, “but I can’t earn yours if you don’t let me.”

“It’s not that, Bright. I…I trust you,” she finally lifted her eyes to meet his, but her gaze quickly flickered away, “I just…don’t want to…complicate things. And hurt you.”

“Things will always be complicated. And you can hurt me. As long as you don’t…shut me out.” he stepped closer to her, gently lifting her chin, making her look into his eyes. “Let me in. Don’t…run.” he whispered, his voice almost pleading.

For a moment, Dani hesitated. Oh, how she wanted to stay.

“I…I’m sorry Bright. I can’t.” _Do that to you._

With that, she tore her gaze away and turned around, heading to the door. She quietly closed it behind her, not looking back.

Bright remained standing there, watching the closed door, his apartment now emptier than ever.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Once she got outside, she barely registered the raindrops hitting her as practically jogged to her car and slammed herself inside, speeding off, feeling like an idiot, like a coward. She was wondering when she was going to break finally, and actually looked forward to let the sobbing unleash the tension inside her, but nothing. It felt like her walls, now practically crushing her, squeezed her so tightly she couldn’t even breathe properly, let alone cry.

Dani shut the door behind her and walked straight to her kitchen, realizing that she hadn’t eaten in the past twelve hours, and the previous night’s activities left her starving.

She opened her fridge, and the sight of a stupid, weird looking cauliflower greeted her; one she had bought in a rare twinge of conscience triggered by her unhealthy eating habits.

A freaking _cauliflower_ , of all vegetables.

And, apparently, a freaking cauliflower was all it took to break her.

Her hands began to tremble and she sank to her knees, curling up into a fetal position (the irony was not lost on her completely) and finally, finally, the tears came. And she cried, because she knew that Bright was right. She couldn’t handle the concept of needing him, needing anyone. She had needed her father, but he left her. She trusted him to be always there for her, but he _left_ her. And somewhere down the line she had made the decision that keeping people at arm’s length, shielding herself from harm would be the best. No gain, but no pain, either.

But as her sobbing gradually calmed down, and she was gathering herself up from the floor, a small voice inside her head, sounding suspiciously like Bright’s, kept asking her the same question over and over again: How has closing herself off from any and all emotional harm worked out for her? Was she better off, not having anyone really? Was she better off, than, let’s say, if she took the risk? And maybe…stopped running?

She stepped inside her shower, welcoming the hot water stream, washing away her tears, their last night, this morning.

It dawned on her, that maybe Dr. Tormé was right; maybe she needed to start making certain decisions and choices, though perhaps not for the same reason her doctor implied. Maybe there were certain blockages that she could fix after all.

If only she weren’t so damn terrified about the consequences.

xxxxxxxxxxx

A soft knock, barely audible, but he heard it nevertheless.

He tore his eyes away from another cold case file he tried to solve, it being the only activity he was apparently useful for. Only now, he couldn’t even tell what the case was about, his eyes boring into the papers, his mind being miles away, hours afore.

He rarely expected company, any time of the day.

As he made his way to the door, he wondered whether he heard the knock or merely imagined it, hoping for something when history repeatedly proved him not to hope for anything really, or anyone.

He opened the door and saw her standing there and he was relieved, anxious, terrified, longing, and, against all his odds, hopeful.

She glanced up at him, and as their eyes met, she held his gaze; unsure and utterly inexperienced at this.

Her whisper was barely audible, but he heard it nevertheless.

“I’m here.”

xxxxxxxxxxx

_Tales of an endless heart_

_Cursed is the fool who's willing_

_Can't change the way we are_

_One kiss away from killing_

_Don't you say, don't you say it_

_One breath, it'll just break it_

_So shut your mouth and run me like a river_

_Shut your mouth, baby, stand and deliver_

_Holy hands, will they make me a sinner?_

_Like a river, like a river_

_Shut your mouth and run me like a river_

_Choke this love 'til the veins start to shiver_

_One last breath 'til the tears start to wither_

_Like a river, like a river_

_Shut your mouth and run me like a river._

**Author's Note:**

> None of these characters, except for Dr. Tormé are mine, they belong to the higher powers at FOX and whatnot.
> 
> The lyrics at the end are from 'River' by Bishop Briggs, a song that kind of inspired this story.
> 
> THANKS for sticking till the end and I hope you liked it! :) Your thoughts and comments, any and all are always more than welcome and really-very much appreciated.


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